What are you thinking?

Sometimes, i just dont know where to turn anymore.
I dont know what are the steps that i should take.
What are the moves that i should make.
But for each time i do, it's for sure im not doing it with covered eyes.

Shots, far too many times.
This skin.. is wearing thin.
Well i've been taking it in, all this time, all this while.
And making, seeing one smile has always taken pain away.
But this skin.. is wearing thin.

Seriously, i dont know what my values are right now.
I dont even know how much im worth.
Whether am i a ragged, abandoned, dumpshit,
or am i prestiged, commendable, and only for the merit.
I dont know. But i chose to take myself as the former.

I keep passing on words of uplift, and elation to one self.
But i soon realise i keep falling back myself.
And im never getting an inch higher.

All i want, all i ever wished for,
is to educate, care, and send much endearment to the immaculate one.
And each time whenever time brings aggravation, its very much uncalled for.
Is this norm?
I turn to who.
Is this norm? I asked.
Have i become sickened of this?

Im not thinking of parched land amidst the redest of all skies,
withered from scarcity, where none lived only but remains, that are kept unswept.
I think of fields that smelt of summer with the most vivid greenery spread under
a considerable, beautiful faunas that float amongst it.

Here, i ask again, what are you thinking?
I think i know. And i think it hasnt changed..