got myself in a little brawl at work today.
had a talk with the two (malay) pakciks about racism,
discrimination and all things which involves the skin tone.
bias-ness, preference is what they tried to explain. or perhaps, influence me.
personally, i'll never take racism as an answer to any political gone-wrongs.
there must be other reasons for it. there must be.
small things like these is what help spark the much hushed up grudge.
there is war everyday. and god, we can stop it but we chose not to.
fuck that.



anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY NURDIYANAH! (:

arghhhhhh. i blew it.
enough said.

how can i not see it coming.
it's there for me to take on.
but fuck, i kept losing it. over again and again.
this time it's alil different.
im totally devastated.
however, unsure to which direction i shld vent it to.
its not clear. its not easy. but of cause, i'll do what i cld.
at lost, once more.
with myself back in square one,
i had to ask if i wish to throw myself (again) to these nets of safety.
but naah. i want to take on the adrenaline again,
even if it injects migraines to my heart, i wont pass this time.
you dont deserve a safety by the tip of a bitching bullet.
instead, you deserve a safety through the warms of compassion.

im working on that. and i hope you know it.

oh, just a quick note.
somebody's birthday is coming.
i want to do something about it.
but by the looks of it, i just cant.
i'll try. i know i want to.
we'll see.

what a busy weekend.

Friday,

• the scramble to find my youngest brother a place to babysitt him.
• the run for friday prayers (was almost late).
• drop-by whitesands, met dee and friends / *happy bday kecik.

okay. im beggining to think i dont have the slightest bit of chance at all.
oh well.
i hate this.
come therapy.

hello.

nothing to update.
pretty much the very same shit these days.

still cant believe ERIS is taking a 2-week off.
guitars for the 4th original are done yesterday.
cant wait for the end result.

a close cousin is getting married this sunday.
im sure to be busy on the saturday as well.
so therefore, im scared that i cant make it for the gig on the 26th.

younger sister is coming back next week.
everyone in the family misses her.
means i have to share the computer again. urgh.
haha.

i have an eye for someone.
but i think my chances are so so so slim.
everybody is seeing somebody right now.
how frustrating.

haha kay bye!

New song. Michael Buble's "Call Me Irresponsible".
i find it soo relevant. haha.

Call me irresponsible
Call me unreliable
Throw in undependable, too

Do my foolish alibis bore you?
Well, I'm not too clever, I
I just adore you

So, call me unpredictable
Tell me I'm impractical
Rainbows, I'm inclined to pursue

Call me irresponsible
Yes, I'm unreliable
But it's undeniably true
That I'm irresponsibly mad for you

Do my foolish alibis bore you?
Girl, I'm not too clever, I
I just adore you

Call me unpredictable
Tell me that I'm so impractical
Rainbows, I'm inclined to pursue

Go ahead call me irresponsible
Yes, I'm unreliable
But it's undeniably true
I'm irresponsibly mad for you

You know it's true
Oh, baby it's true.

Cyanide & Happiness

Standing alone inside a frantic crowd with incriminating facts in hand.
An imperative vision of satisfaction,
I feel the numbness of an orgasm as I leave my entire body.
As I decline within this ideal trance,
I can no longer feel pain.
Turned into a powerful corpse, I succumb.
I'm not furious about what you've wrecked.
In fact, I want to thank you, I want to love you.
My blood flows. But at this instant, I'm not furious.
No need to say a word.
I leave with fervor covering my heart.

updates!
got myself a new job.
im working for a company which deals on helicopter's spare parts.
its to help father out in paying my private school fees.
it aint cheap you know.
and of cos, partly for MY expenses (how i miss shopping!). (:
the work is alright. nothing too tedious.
but the aircon is frickin' cold till i cant feel my fingers (seriously!).
worst part is, it cant be controlled.
the temperature needs to remain the same throughout.
hmm, looks like im gonna have icicles hanging down my nose. HAHA!

met new friends on monday.
kinda wierd and awkward. but all of them are nice la.
haha!

im soo gonna miss therapy!
but i have to let us rest.
we have been ongoing for almost weekly since i-cant-remember-when.
im happy for you guys.
give ourselfs a pat on the back and call a 2 week off aye?
well, not really, we're still gonna see each other's face this wk.
but it wld be fun. sitting in the room,
letting our creative juices flow,
and just simply create those teeth-gnashing beats,
mind-busting solos, heavy-shit riffs and deep-throating squeals.

i love you kids.

i have a childhood friend who just passed away.
ISZ.
he was in the front page of newspapers.
he was the one involved in the taiwan airplane crash.
i used to go to his place rather often for a certain period of time. we played the playstation together, badminton, wrestling, and just simply talking. a very intelligent guy. looks like he got the better path, passing through JC, entering SMU, serving the nation in taiwan and all. i havent been in contact with him since after pri sch i think. such a tragic news.
my deepest condolences to his friends and family.
i miss you Isz. god bless. rest in peace.

i think i shall stop trying.
and just wait. for whatever.

suddenly,
im fine now.
finally,
a sense of direction.
surprisingly,
everything's coming back together.
hopefully,
it remains the same way.

its nice to have someone to talk to.
and airah, i nvr thought we wld be in the same boat.
haha! thanks for listening.
you never fail to solve me.
now lets row to the nearest land together shall we?

im smiling.
my worries are leaving slowly. yey.

jamming friday, lets go!

dish tak dish tak bom bom prak, chang! OI!

alright new song posted.
honestly, i dont really listen to this kind of music anymore.
not because i dont like them,
but its because ive never really got a chance to notice new songs/bands.
and this is because i have no MTV, dont listen to radio etc..

however, was surfing the net and somehow came across this lovely song.
the vocals and the lyrics got me.
you guys may not feel it the same way as i do.
enuff said.
this is Snow Patrol with the song Set The Fire To The Third Bar.

I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My finger in creases of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

After I have travelled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
and I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

ah yey!

hope came to save me at last.
for some reasons, i manage to gather every ounce of confidence i have left.
and slowly, picking myself up and move on.
looks like NS CAN wait. :D
private sch here i come beybeh!
yeah, i cant wait to work my mind again.
its dusty ol'right. but hell, after what ive gone through,
im gonna work my ass off alot harder this year.

yahoo! byebye decaying days!

I got too many to say.
But it wouldnt be wise to say it here.

Im not alright these days.
Roughest week of the year so far i think.
Not that i have any obvious conflicts or anything,
but is just that, recently I've taken alot of things seriously
which is not healthy for me.
Guess im psychologically unwell.
Jokes dont tickle me anymore.
What you're laughing about is what i may take as an insult.

I just dont know what to think anymore.
I dont know what should i hear.
I dont know who should i seek.
and mainly, i dont know what should i do.

anyway,
this is a Libra's horoscope from today's (no not THAT newspaper) newspaper.

Stop being so hard on yourself.
A recent spat has been blown out of proportion.
You dont need to explain yourself to anyone.
You have an excellent track record of being honest.

Like i said, I got too many to say.
But it wouldnt be wise to say it here.

alright. serious time.

its official. after months and rounds of application,
im still not accepted in ITE. tsk.
sad. but surprisingly, im not at all dissapointed.
ive had planned for the worst and even planned for an alternative route.
its plan B for now. bye bye government school. boohoo.
for plan B is getting a job and work all the way till its before my 18th bday.
and before my 18th bday, with the cash in my pockets,
i need to enroll myself for a private diploma course (of my interest).
and maybe if i have the extra cash, i'll prolly get a driver's license too. =D!
so inshallah, i'll be cruising to my private school (prolly somewhere in town)
in my car having my bag filled with business study notes in the backseat next year.
heh.
i hope everything will turn out better in due time.
take this as a lesson my friends, never, ever(!), take your studies for granted.
(not that i did, but i think im not 100% serious enough)
and also, aim more than just a pass! a pass wont guarantee you anything.
im worried already. i need therapy , come friday come!

*editted*

i suppose nothing is complete for everyone.
i accept this challenge.
and i say bring it on.

im trying my best.
go my friends, change yourself if you need to. and make me happy. (: