rasoool -

2009-12-09T01:47:00.003+08:00

im done with life.

im ceasing this blog.
too many memories.
too many chaos.
too many things that needs to be left behind my back.
all that has posted,
reminds me of the good and bad.
too much, guess my first chapter of my life is done.

but i'll still uphold this link. and perhaps post certain things that only fit for this blog.

i wish to brag about the things that happened,
but nevermind.
besides, im too tired. and i couldnt care less anymore.

i will post my new blog address soon.. (when i feel like it).
though im bringing up a new address,
i'll keep this one still..
and like i said, i might come back and post something
that only deemed fit for this address.

..what the fuck,
i bet no one's reading anyway.

2009-12-07T01:24:00.001+08:00

i dont know why, but whenever she's happy, im happy.

2009-12-06T21:05:00.000+08:00

mcm sial.
everything.

2009-11-30T00:38:00.003+08:00

I've made up my mind.
Im taking and gonna be making my walk.
I want to be further away.
Because truth is,
whenever i see you,
whenever i hear you,
whenever i touch you,
whenever i smell you,
i'll always be wanting more.
More than friendship.
And i began to realise,
what i've been wanting more,
is what i truly need.
Your hands wont offer,
sad my hands i have to retreat.
So i have to make this walk.. away.. for you, for me.
And now,
eventhough i may be walking,
but my front will always be facing you.
My back, against the world.
My hands, reaching out to you.
My eyes, looking over you.
My heart, yeah you know.
Goodbye.
:)

Sing with me tonight
Let's tear open the skies and leave it all behind by singing this tonight
I would never leave you for a chance, for a moment
I would never leave you for a chance, in this lifetime
So leave it all behind... leave it all behind

2009-11-25T21:25:00.002+08:00

Happy Advance Hari Raya Haji to one and all!
I haven't been to the mosque for a pretty long time now.
And daymn, im feeling guilty.
The more you know the world's dying, the more you're avoiding religion.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAISH.
Astaghfirullahalazim.
How can i let this be.
This friday's congregational prayers - i'll be at the mosque, insyallah.

Pray.

2009-11-22T07:20:00.001+08:00

i hate how much i love you little girl.

2009-11-12T15:09:00.001+08:00

400th post anniversary.

my diet of baked beans. yummy? ouch.

2009-11-12T00:00:00.003+08:00

Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaark..!
My gum & teeth hurts so badly.
It has been raging at the back of my mouth
since lunchtime on bloody tuesday.
And argh, damn, i miss food!
Oww oww oww oww
):

2009-11-08T22:30:00.007+08:00

very helpless.
tired and restless.
aspired but hopeless.
worries they endless.
this is my end.

my thoughts. my actions.
-senseless?

sigh.
bring me the sun
bring me the sea
bring me the sand
bring me my shorts
bring me some snacks
bring me you
bring me far away
bring me to rest
throw all my devices
throw all my problems
throw all my burdens
throw all the people
throw all the insecurities
throw all the worries
throw all these thoughts
and give me something
that will actually come true.

2009-11-07T02:50:00.003+08:00

Last weekend was fucking awesome.
The Halloween Horrors event finally took place and i must say it went just fine. Preparation and all was fucking hectic and luck clearly wasnt on my side but hey, the experience was well worth it. I got a lot to learn. Dont get me wrong, im not complaining.. the whole journey, the stress, the plannings, the orginising is rather enjoyable somehow.

Haha and guess what, all this while i actually got my own gig name wrong, what is meant to be "Halloween Horrors", became "Helloween Horrors". Hahaha! Spot the difference? And to think i only realise that 4 days before the actual show. oops -_-

The show.. it started pretty late. Like an hour behind the so called "planned delayed" schedule. My heart was already racing to be honest.. but surprisingly, timing wise turned out to be one of the more successful points taken of from the show. And its nice to know that that was being done without me nor my fellow crew to stop or remind any band of the number songs they can play left. None at all. Pretty awesome.

Arheum Revert from Malaysia is downright the coolest band ever. Nice guys, nice songs, good times. I had a great great time spending a night and 2 days with them. And i really cant wait to see them again. :)

So yeah, this is Konvulse Productions first event but it really wont run the way it did without the help of some friends. With that, i would like to thank some people for their efforts in lending their hands, legs, mind and heart for this show. Azhar, Ariffin and Ammar thanks for being the door bitches. You guys really look suited to become Konvulse's official Bouncers. HAR HAR. To Bob, for the fine fine space and understanding about the whole fucked up situation. To Arheum Revert for making it all the way down despite knowing im on a tight budget. And ultimately a million thanks to Irna and Mus for their extensive help. Irna, great job on taggings, decorations and finance. And Mus, great job in providing the best hospitality for our guests. You guys are the best. And oh, not to forget, thank you EveryRageISeek for the support and for putting up one of the finest shows in 09. :b

Cheers to Konvulse! Now lets plan the next one.. :)

Here are some pictures of our mini outing with Arheum Revert. :D

2009-11-02T23:19:00.002+08:00

(sigh)
i got so much things to say.
its been a hell of a weekend. very fun/ intoxicating/ crazy/ / / / so much more.
im gonna need all the time in the world to write a constructive one.
so this post shall wait.
hopefully you will too.

2009-10-29T23:52:00.000+08:00

All the times we have shared and all the memories I have,
brought me back to square one.
Now I'm running on empty.
Only you could pick me up,
without thinking twice,
you wrapped your arms around me.

When we find truth inside ourselves,
it's hard not to run away.
But we must capture and embrace.
It's how we truly live our lives.

We will be everything we have been dreaming of.

When I look in the mirror what I see,
is the only thing that I can be.
I come to you now, defenses down.
Defenseless now.
When you look at me I want to be,
everything you want to see.
I come to you now defenses down.
Defenseless now.

2009-10-28T00:13:00.001+08:00

Ishhhhhhhh..
Im stressed up.
Too many things happening again.
Tried to take things one at a time but.. ahh, cant.
Cannot, not this time.
Damn damn damn damn damn.

Please let it be smooth.. and pleasant.

2009-10-24T01:23:00.001+08:00

I only hope you understand the invigoration
That has filled me within these past coming years
I have felt more than any other living being on this earth,
I was born with a resentment only few can understand
But to capture everything I'm yearning for within this moment,
Is a feat most men can't comprehend within their lifetime
I have fallen from grace in your eyes
Only to ache, from the will to return to the place in your heart
I know I've captivated something in you, after all these years
If you can't see, at least understand
I don't believe that I have ever seen your eyes look so tired
In my mind,
It's better if we both take time apart and fix ourselves
If I decide to reunite with an old friend, or make amends,
Or just pretend to be alright with who you are,
well I'm not.

2009-10-21T00:33:00.003+08:00

im not too sure why, but my legs are starting to hurt like mad.
my feet, my calf, thighs, every bit of it.
is it the mad barefooted run?
or maybe the mad barefooted pedals?
or maybe the long random walks?
maybe all. ahh i dont know.
please heal soon leggys. ):

i mean every single bit.

Nobody knows
Just why we're here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall i be

Close your eyes
Dry your tears
'coz when nothing seems clear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free.
Pray and believe

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything's unclear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You'll be safe here

When no one understands
I'll believe
You'll be safe,
You'll be safe
You'll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands
You'll be safe here

2009-10-20T01:48:00.003+08:00

I really dont know what am i to do.
Confused as fuck.
Im in im out, in out in out.
Round and round, all around,
but i end up nowhere.
Everything is nothing but bullshit.
Bullshit.
Whatever i do, whichever steps i take, whatever words i say,
they're bullshit.
Whatever you're doing, wherever you go, whoever you're with,
its all bullshit.
The friends, the work, the money, the status, the reputation,
bullshit.
Whatever fuck i just written above..
bullshit.

Where am i going with all these words?
I dont know.

Yes, how i wish everything could just retreat back to how it was before.
I learned enough.
Im too sick and tired.
Stop this madness already.

I desperately need a vacation.

Wouldnt it be wonderful if we could all close our eyes,
and open them up again,
awaken by the best time of our lives that awaits us to go through it (again).

Let go Rasul.

fuck shit la. aper aku bebual ni.

2009-10-15T02:31:00.002+08:00

mesti mau semangat buto.

and my first event for my very own, Konvulse Productions.
(hopefully it all goes well ^_^)

jyeah jyeah jyeah.

con·vulse (kn-vls)

v. con·vulsed, con·vuls·ing, con·vuls·es

v.tr.

1. To shake or agitate violently: tremors that convulsed the countryside; when civil war convulsed the nation.

2. To cause to shake with laughter or strong emotion.

v.intr.

To become affected by or as if by convulsions; shake.

get grim motherfucker!

2009-10-13T23:16:00.004+08:00

Im telling you, i have always hated the internet.

I knew i shouldnt..
And to think it was a gift..
How could you..

Aah.Forget it.

Goodbye everyone.
Goodluck finding me from tmr onwards.

2009-10-13T22:23:00.005+08:00

"Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face I kissed her neck
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To let her go
"Why are you so far away?" he said
Oh, won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you

You
Soft and lonely
You
Lost and only
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream
You're just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips can breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You, Lost and only
You, Soft and lonely
You,
Just like heaven.

2009-10-13T22:21:00.001+08:00

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
..Today, is a gift.
That is why it is called the present.

2009-10-08T23:13:00.001+08:00

He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past
Two in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days

Leaning now into the breeze
Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees
They had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last
Like the feeling of what he needs

Now this place seems familiar to him
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs
She led him upstairs
Left him dying to get in

Forgive me, I'm trying to find my calling
I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm gonna ask her to marry me

Even though she doesn't believe in love
He's determined to call her bluff
Who could deny these butterflies?
They're filling his gut

Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces
He pleads though he tries
But he's only denied
Now he's dying to get inside

Forgive me, I'm trying to find my calling
I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm gonna ask her to marry me

The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn't think much of it then
But it's starting to all make sense
Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds
Are following me in my desperate endeavor
To find my whoever, wherever she may be
I guess i'll go home now

2009-10-05T01:04:00.003+08:00

I guess home is truly where the heart is.
I'm gonna let the pictures talk this time.

Truffle.

Boys.

Kids.

Mother.

I wonder if birthday wishes are for real.

MudShit.

2009-10-02T17:31:00.002+08:00

Last Fucking Day To Hooray Around
With A Big Fat "Teen"
At The Back Of My Underestimated Age!

oh shit.
fucking milestone.

2009-09-28T03:28:00.002+08:00

Im not into malay songs.
But..
nah, i dont think i need to explain.

oh bulan
jangan layan diriku lagi
pabila,
air mata membasahi pipi
dan lagu2 di radio seolah2 memerli aku
pabila,
kau bersama yg lain

adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmu
dan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
di sebalik senyuman mu itu
kau juga merindui aku

ku enggan
berpura pura ku bahagia
ku enggan
melihat kau bersama si dia
oh ku akui cemburu
telah menular dalam diri
pabila
kau bersama yang lain

adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmu
dan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
di sebalik senyuman mu itu
kau juga merindui aku

pabila kau merenung matanya
ku rebah,
jatuh ke bumi
di saat kau benar-benar mahu pergi
seperti ku bernafas dalam air

adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmu
dan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
di sebalik senyuman mu itu kau juga merindui aku
oh–

2009-09-27T23:36:00.002+08:00

i wish to pursue.
but tell me how am i to do so when there's this rope tied to my neck which pulls me from the back each time i took a step forward.
i still pursue.
even when there're daggers waiting to pierce me right through after my every move.
but nevertheless,
nobody says it was easy. on my part.
nobody says im stopping. on yours. :)
Pursue i will.

Cherish I Muhammad Rasul.
;p
okay last phrase tk perlu.

2009-09-26T04:03:00.001+08:00

IN VIN CI BLE.

2009-09-23T01:18:00.005+08:00

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes,
Selamat Hari Raya to one and all.
Obviously i tried to do a lil something something with them sparklers.
But as you can see, it wasnt succesful.
Ah whatever.
The annual family raya photo will be posted soon. i hope.
And no, im not revealing my baju colour just yet.

Till then!
Maaf zahir dan batin to all!
See you soon eh!

2009-09-17T23:23:00.001+08:00

I wonder what were they talking about.
They faced each other stoned for more then 30mins.
Really.
Yes, i have nothing better to do.
:)

2009-09-16T01:18:00.003+08:00

Hello readers.
Im sorry, i cant even understand my own life right now.
How am i to put it simple enough for you guys to understand.
The things that can happen.
The things that people do.
In a moment, things were nice, in a minute things got shaken up,
and in a second things fall in its entirety.
Things change everytime.
You try to adapt to it but before you can even do so,
the change updated by itself,
which is another whole situation you need to analyse
before adapting to it all over again.
And you just stand there, mindless.
Accepting, and going through the changes one by one.
Scratching your head as to figure how am i to overcome this.
Then you soon realise.. that you cant.
Cause some people, some things,
just wont allow you to no matter how far you're willing to go.

I wish i dont have to hate people like some already do.
But even if i ever will, to those that matters, please forgive me.

I feel like a boy, squatting down under a table with all these
bombs and riots fighting on the outside world.
I'm closing my ears. I'm shutting my eyes.
And im humming my favourite tune to calm myself.
My tears are flowing, my scars re-appearing,
and i hold on tight to a stuffed toy with my sweaty palms.
I murmured my prayers but it seems unanswered,
please tell me im not facing the devil's stare.
For i'll stay down there,
for as long as i care,
and yearn to wake up,
learning it was all a nightmare.

2009-09-14T22:10:00.000+08:00

Baby, I'm on my knees praying God help me please
Bring my baby back, right back to me
loving you is right then I don't want to go wrong
So I drown myself with tears
Sittin' here singing another sad love song

2009-09-11T01:31:00.004+08:00

I'll probably be screwed if they know i took pictures.
But oh well..
With the birds i share these lonely views... from my workplace.
Maybe tomorrow you'll see the ampai. -_-

2009-09-10T20:06:00.000+08:00

*unlocks chest*
"..here, you can take it back if you want to."

"..no! dont take it out, i want you to keep it. once its out, everyone will.. (roar roar).. its an open sea."

:)
"k, i'll keep."
*locks chest. multiple, multiple, locks*

2009-09-09T02:00:00.002+08:00

oh dear.. somebody has to take me out for a walk.
seriously.

2009-09-09T00:52:00.000+08:00

im alive without breathing.
dont make me sway away..
i dont want to sway away.

i'll still be your biggest fan.

2009-09-08T03:24:00.003+08:00

nyeh..
i miss irna you know.
dammit, there's no telling how much i need her.
i yearn for her hugs.
she makes me feel calm, and complete.
but i longed for her hug
setelah the missing pieces are completed..
i can just imagine the rejoice..
our rejoice.
:')

dearest, i miss you.

2009-09-08T02:07:00.005+08:00

I met a shooting star a few weeks back.
As stupid as it may be, i hope it'll come true.
I hate myself.
I look back and i never fail to get so disgusted.
Fate lies in our hands i believe.
A path may have set to all of us, but its we who pave it ourselves.
And i certainly hope i didnt twist my own.
I wish things could be the same.. like how my path have set it to be.
I'll turn back time to make everything all alright..
If only life has a draft.
Like these posts..
If i were to write something wrong, i could go back and ammend it.
Yeah i sure wish life could apply the same protocols.
But no.
Life makes us work the harder way.
If my life, my path, has set me to walk towards a downfall,
fuck, i'll keep on changing these tracks, i'll fight,
i'll change, i'll sweat it out, tear it out,
bleed it out,
till im against my own fall,
and find my way back,
pave my way back,
to your arms,
again.

Know what you want to do.
And keep doing it.
Downfalls will come.
But stay afloat and fight on!
You'll get to where you want to be,
who you want to be (with),
what you want to be,
if you keep at it.

Boy, keep at it.

2009-09-06T02:05:00.002+08:00

Hi.
My 2 adik is coming home tomorrow.
I cant wait to meet them.
I've never really missed them this much since they went away.
But i do a whole lot now.
After much phonecalls, hearing their stories, their struggles, or even triumph,
it all kinda highlighted to me and my family that they really look up on their brother.
A very heartfelt thought really.
Never thought i would make such an impact on someone by just doing the things i usually do because i believe im not extraordinary.
I didnt realise how much i meant to them before this.
As a brother, im proud of them for their survival. Im proud of them for their success.
Im smiling from ear to ear now just thinking about their return.
Come home soon adik.

See you at the airport.

2009-09-03T05:34:00.002+08:00

very slenge part 2.

told you, jakon bloody jakon.

:]

2009-09-02T21:55:00.004+08:00

nyahaha.. irna and her ideas. but the 'got milk' signage is mine! heh, whats up happy aliens.. irna and i spend good ol lepak time tonight at airport Starfucks! before that we went jalan2, buker together and now we're watching airplanes. hahah!, k nah, not really, more like watching floating plastic cups like the one above. hoh! hunny is very the damn irritating as usual. she's at the toilet now. she bau bacin.. mhmm, yummy. and we damn slenge.. jakon bloody jakon.

and ohh, hunny.. happy 1 year 4 months? ;)

2009-08-31T21:15:00.003+08:00

The annoyance i have to put with now.. and in the future.. HAHA!
But hey, i cant resist it you know.
She's so.. different. She'll never fail to make me smile in the most weirdest ways.
She'll succeed in making me happy without even trying no matter how she does it, and no matter where i am.
That is how awesome a woman she is.
That is why she earns much admiration from me.
That is why no matter what she'll always be the one.
My one.
I love you Irna Dayana.
Always been.

2009-08-31T01:50:00.003+08:00

Real awesome weekend it has been.
Good friends. Good bands. Good company. Good times.
Days like these dont come so often anymore.
Cherish I.. will? heee.

will update proper real soon.
for now.. my eyes are really dragging me down.
i need a good long sleep but no chance so far.
work work work. aah.
this week no minimal 8hours snooze.. ):
on average? 3 hours per day.
yup, suck balls. i miss sleep.

okeh. take care. will write soon..

and.. ohh, irna boncit.
tapi dalam pit fierce nk mampos.
kalah aku.. heeh, love you nyemi! ;p

2009-08-25T23:31:00.001+08:00

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I miss you.

2009-08-24T01:32:00.004+08:00

She has my other half.

She'll always be my other half.

For without you, i am a lesser man.

You complete me.

A Fractured Heart

I remember that brief moment when you shouted "end this day".

Mistakes and lessons have since gone my way.

The same regrets lie noiselessly for now within these poor isolated walls.

Something this sacred should not have been taken for granted.

My vow of secrecy must be kept.

Something this sacred should not have faded with time.

I've failed you once again yet you still hold my hand.

I desperately dig within to recover that sweet innocence that shined upon us.

I loathe myself for every time I was moved by someone else's loveliness.

All those precious moments we have shared have been violated by temptation's venomous kiss.

If only I could look at you again with the same eyes that once cherished every single step you took.

I'll remain in hopes that we'll be back and forever wait for your return till my very end.

2009-08-22T00:07:00.003+08:00

some people just wont learn.
some people just dont get a clue.
some people are just a pain in the ass.
some people will stay immature.

i feel it now. and im angered.
aisha stop your childish rants.
who the hell you trying to prove.
small kid, acting hardcore with keyboards.
no respect at all.
people trying to solve things maturely, you want to go your way.
fine.
your words dont bother us anymore.
bitch.
i wish you all the worst.

2009-08-21T20:47:00.005+08:00

Dear everyone,

i am sure by now you may have atleast suspected that things arent going right on my side of life. Yes, it has been really eff-ed up these days. And it seems to me that it is only getting worse. Im not sure if what im experiencing is what i totally deserve.

Everyone, on your blog-hopping escapades, have you ever come across a man who openly admitted to his own mistakes? I dont know bout you, but i find that pretty rare. I think this is because usually, people be it man or woman want to save their own names and dare not risk the embarrassment. But i suppose for those who do declare, are those who realise their guilt, and openly admit cause they were once wrong and are brave enough to prove to everyone that they're willing to change for the better. Its a statement made that the whole world could witness. As such, much is at stake.

I have done it before.
No, im not proud of it. I regretted my foolish mistakes. The consequences are unbearable to this date. But i have admitted my mistakes and i openly apologised for all to see (october archives). Being a jerk that i once was wont make me a better man if i tried to run away from my wrong doings. Furthermore, pin-pointing to others and not taking resposibility for such actions is immature too.

Firstly, i have been the most lowest man on earth these days. I feel so sad, angry, depressed, confused, pathetic, strong, weak, lonely, loathsome, rage, emotional, sentimental.. the list goes on. Im feeling everything negative, all at the same time. Its too much and too fast for me. Im having breakdowns every time my thought wonders, everytime im left alone, everytime i think of my life that is so eff-ed up now, everytime i think of you.

I feel like i allowed my enemies to win. And i fail the people that really matters. I can never forgive myself. Speak of enemies, how i wish someone would know just how much im despising aisha right now. Each time you cross my mind, i clenched my fist. You're one biatch ma-fuckz that made my life crumbling down. I cant stand you. And you're always pin-pointing to the wrong person. You always think Irna is doing all these work but no. I am the one. You hated me, so why didnt you blame me?! You want to burn somebody then im the one youre looking for! Leave her alone for godsake. Even if Irna were to do it, she's doing it to save a relationship. She was being the best gf she could possibly be by standing up for me. Aisha, you're a girl, couldnt you see that?! You as a girl should have respected her for what she's done and what she had gone through.. which is bearing fights and single handedly handled an immature kid like you. Are you still oblivious as to what is happening?! Im the one you should throw your curses to, aisha. ME ME ME. Whatever Irna has done, though it might have troubled her and yourself, it was actually for me. See the amount of care she has. If you (aisha) hated that, shouldnt you blame me? Instead why are you blaming someone who is just braving the world with her heart and who is doing her job.. You recently call us crazy couples. Look how direct and stinging that phrase is. I told you i want no trouble. We could have settled this easy but no, you just had to, you just had to bring back the biatch in you. Really, kid u are. It will never end. A criminal will always be a criminal.. unless they realise they're mistakes, and make up for it, and prove they will do it, apologise to the people they have once troubled. Repent to the almighty, get their shoulders clean. Otherwise, that criminal might as well get a death sentence for they dont deserve to be in this world.

Irna.
Irna..
Im sorry, for dragging your insecurities along from my own past mistakes. I have no intentions on doing it. Im sorry for not realising the hurts you had that really means alot to you to want to get it totally off your back. My thoughts of how easy such threats could have left behind us and neglect our enemies was wrong. I underestimated it. It accumulated and consumed us. Sometimes, i wish i knew just so i could put a stop to everything and make things right. I thought ignoring and moving along could be easy but i was wrong. I still need to uphold my duties. But i failed. I do wish the problems would come straight to me without beating around bushes just so i could desseminate them once and for all. But then again you made me realise its something i should have done without being told. Though i thank you for braving every storm there once had. You're really one tough girl. Which is cool. Fiercesome and fiesty. Just the way i like it.
I hope you wont forget my deeds. Cause all this is happening when i was still at cloud 9. Im in love with you so much until its so unfortunate to me that this happen. I was blinded. And now this is the price i have to pay. I have to feel what you once feel. I guess this is justice. But like i said, i hope you wont forget my deeds. All those times that i was there for you. I really am in love with you. And after the past mistakes, i blocked out everything that comes in my way from getting to you. I achieved that. But not other areas. Im there for you almost anytime you needed me. I achieved that. But not other areas. My love for you reach an all time high. And like i always say, it wont ever, ever come down. Yes, it will only go higher. Sorry this sounds absurd to some people, but i really have plans to make you mine for life. Im very much into you that i forsee certain areas that needs to be settled. But its too late.
I agree to what you say, i can only leave this to god now.
If god-willing we return, we will return.
If not, i take that god planned a better path for us both.
I feel heartbroken, sad and depressed. But who says im giving up.
I am not giving up even if it seems so far-fetched, for you really mean everything to me. God willing i will return and this time, insyallah, its going to last a lifetime. During the process when i was changing for the better, i had a dream, a vision, which turn to a mission.. and that is to be happily married someday.. with none other than.. you. As corny as some people might think, but i really dont care bout them, its my life and its you i need. I am happy you're moving on, at the same time im worried and im sad. Its very ironic. Cause i care so damn much. People are telling me to move on, but i dont find that an option. I am most happy in life when you're around. And even though i dont have much experiences in relationships, i do feel that this, is very hard to come-by. the word this means you. you means love. love means irna. irna means.. everything to me. i want you to take care now that im gone. but i want you to know i'll work my way. whether i succeed or not is a different thing all together. but god knows ive tried, and god will soon know that im trying again.
this is mighty hard for me. ive flooded a million river, but you please be strong and fall no more. put your chin up and walk with much pride. do this for me. fall no more. please.. and do take care.

Sometimes i feel things happen for a reason. I mean, hey why now. Tomorrow is ramadhan. I hope that will be my life-saver. I want to change for the better. I want to pray and return back to god again insyallah. The things people do nowadays.. are scary. I dont want to be religious. I just want to be a muslim. Oh, and I miss my sisters. They are coming home in 2 weeks time. I wish to hug them like crazy. I miss alyaa and atiqa. I miss ERIS. Someday we're gonna buker together. and after raya is done, we're gonna record an album together. I miss my sec school buddies, lepas buker i want to go terakwir with them. and when the time comes, insyallah we'll sleep in the mosque again. I cant wait for what my path has in store for me.

But whoever i am, wherever i'll be, irna, you'll always be in my heart.
Irreplaceable you are.

Now, i dont know if i should cease this blog.
Probably a hardcore hiatus. But i have not decided yet.
Im not running from anything nor anyone.
You guys know who i am, and where to find me.

Selamat berpuasa to the muslims.

I love you all very much.
Thank you for everything.

Rasul.

2009-08-21T03:28:00.001+08:00

show me the proper path.
show me the righteous way.
i feel much negativeness now.
i could not control myself.
please forgive me.
i seek solace.
but what do i do when the one i usually turn to is going to make me worse.
forgive me.
put me back where i belong dear god.
to your faith, to my family, to my friends, to Irna Dayana.

i miss my life..

god, please take care of Irna.
please do not let her neither be astray nor alone.
this heart will ache if it sees her happy,
but let it be, ensure she's happy dear god for she deserves it after a long and tiring battle.
this is my price i have to pay.
the faith between me and her lies in you.
and i will forever wait for the day when you'll bestow Irna and I together again in compliance with your consent.
but i heed the path you sent for me now.
however neglect not my prayers.
hear me. i hear your call. hear me.
god, please lead Irna to a bright path.
keep her safe from harm in any possible way.

and irna, god-willing, i'll wait for you at the end of that bright path,
where i'll be there to take over your hand in marriage.
my lifelong dream, to marry someone i truly love inside out.
you'll be in my heart no matter where i go.
my apology will never be enough, but please forgive me.
allow me to kiss your broken heart,
and renew and rebuild everything one fine day with god's consent.
the promises i made, shall forever stand.
and i will love you till my very end.

stay true i will.

thank you god.
every path you take me is seen as a gift.. a meaning with much privileges.
and it will be treasured and appreciated as such.

2009-08-13T21:32:00.001+08:00

She likes cats. ):

..I swear i've written so many drafts.
Be it here in blogger, there in my personal notebook or up here in my head.
All written differently, from feelings to time to pouring out to seeking solace to submitting.. everything.
But after writing everywhere for so much and so long,
i always wondered in the end what good will it do.
Will it help me. Will it degrade me. Will it raise more chaos. Will it ease these pains. Will i gain. Will i lose.
.. im not at all sure.
I wont take the chance. Cause im still up.

So i guess im doing it this way. Short, sweet and simple. Just like me.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

I dont welcome these feelings of losing the only significant other.
Was from cloud nine but even cloud zero seems out of reach.
I know im falling. But who says i cant fly when i've flown before.
Im making my way up. But will you wait and stay.

The You.
2 words, how uncomplete yet so defined.
Just like you.
Just like my life.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention, do you?
I know you don't listen to me
'Cause you say you see straight through me, don't you?

But on and on
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me
I'll be waitin' in line, just to see if you care

Oh…
Did you want me to change?
But I'd change for good
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
I wanted to say…

Don't you shiver
Shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waiting for you

So you know how much I need you
But you never even see me, do you?
And is this my final chance of getting you?

And on and on
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line, just to see if you care, if you care

Oh…
Did you want me to change?
Well I'd change for good
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
I wanted to say…

Don't you shiver
Don't you shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waitin' for you

Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you, for you
I will always be waiting…

And it's you I see but you don't see me
And it's you I hear so loud and so clear
I sing it loud and clear
And I'll always be waiting for you

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention
And you know how much I need you
But you never even see me

2009-08-11T03:46:00.001+08:00

hey look!
irna singing!
cute aaaaaaaaah.
hehehe. :)

2009-08-10T01:37:00.001+08:00

i swear the deployment duty for NDP wore me down like ksdlnfklwhfed.
im tired. inside and outside. my waist is aching and me legs are heavy.
my eyes are droopy and my hair is sticky.
my mind is lost and my heart is empty.

i hate this.

There's a voice in my head telling me why I should hate you,
But I hate myself instead.
There's a pair of dead eyes in the mirror looking back at me.
I guess it's wrong to live life so lifelessly.

Scars are tearing open along my palms and knees.
I guess that's what I should get for crawling back at your feet.
And now I'm feeling so down, that there's no God above.
No mercy for a soul that's just way too fucked up.

There's a pain in my chest growing stronger with every heartbeat.
Now there's nothing left of me,
but empty bottles of pills and Bacardi.
Yes, I guess it's wrong to live right.

Scars are tearing open along my palms and knees.
I guess that's what I should get for crawling back at your feet.
And now I'm feeling so down, that there's no God above.
No mercy for a soul...

Scars are tearing open along my palms and knees.
I guess that's what I should get for crawling back at your feet.
And now I'm feeling so down, that there's no God above.
No mercy for a soul that's just way too fucked up.

for without you im a lesser man.

2009-08-09T04:30:00.000+08:00

i hate myself.
no one knows shit about me.
and to hell to everyone.
and i mean everyone.

2009-08-08T03:04:00.000+08:00

FUCKED UUUUUUUP.
NATIONAL DAY KENA DEPLOYED.......!
KDNWKLWNFKJENEWFKNWE!

See you at the celebration,
no matter where you are,
no matter where i'll be.

time to memorise electrico's lyrics. haha.

2009-08-05T00:48:00.003+08:00

Happy OneYear ThreeMonths Irnaaa <3!!

Gah. I miss you. I miss you damn bad.
We've been out, this past few weeks.. just like all the other weeks.
Our eyes have met each other much now.. But,
why does it always seem like it's never enough?
Why does each time, before offering my last sight to you after a long day,
my body twitches, like as though it's telling me to run back to you.
Why does everytime after i send you home,
i always turn to my mobile phone, be it staring, waiting, or procrastinating
for me to call, for you to call or for anything that could connect us together again.
Why? Why? Why?
I wouldnt say it's a total torture. I wouldnt entirely say it's beautiful either.
Cause i miss you. Cause i have to leave you at a certain point of the day.
Cause everyday isn't enough. Cause possibly, there's something missing.
Something is a miss.
I miss the time we went to beaches.
I miss the time you take me on a heritage trip.
I miss the time we went for a random escapade in the country.
I miss the time we were outside of the country.
I miss the times we spent overnight together.
I miss having that extra special quality time with my favourite girlfriend in the world.
I miss you Irna.
Come, lets have a date you and i. :]

Happy 1year 3months, hunneh.

xoxo,
your boyfriend.

2009-07-31T21:14:00.002+08:00

yey! the templates are alright again! :DDDD!
but fcuk.. there are still missing applications!!
nehmind nehmind.. heh.

SO.
Anyway, ERIS show tomorrowwwwww!
New song "Premonition" is ready and will be played at tmr's show.
But too bad im thinking that there wont be much people around tmr.
It's the tix price i guess. And not much bands.
Oh well, here's the poster. Do come..

Ahh.. HunnyBunny had a gig at Crawlspace last weekend.
Its very unfair that she gets to play at a venue which i've never step into before.
I dont know why its unfair. I must be jealous.. hmm... HAHA!
As usual, Bunny sings awesome-o, but somehow.. somehow her screams are always better to me.
NO, Not better then her singing, but better then most screaming vocalists?
Im serious. Im not saying this just because she's my gf or anything, really, you guys gotta check it out yourself la.
B! Hurry record your first ORI!!

ni dier. mcm paham. nk step bf dier.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HA.

Anyway, Bunny and I are going 14months soon.
Damn, time flies. Im not surprised that sooner or later wedding bells will ring.
Even if it's isnt mine, it could be our friend's.. woo scary aint it.
Bunny made me this for our 13monthsary gift..

tadaa! yummy muffins with sugar icing under lotsa M&M's surrounded by rasoool's favourite caramel popcorns!
gaaaaah, im drooling already. :))''''
heh heh.

I dont know bout the rest of you.
But i sure think that we all do know people fight/quarrel/argue over many different matters.
Including the best, most popular, oldest, couples everywhere.
Well, i would be lying if i said me and bunny never fight.
We do, but hunny, i just want to let you know that no matter what we do, what we fight about,
i wont succumb myself to have you, me, or us to be lead astray k.
I hate the 5 letter "B" word. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.
I dont ever want to use it. Please dont make me use it.

....As im writing this, Irna is irritating the hell out of me by calling my home multiple times
and the moment i picked up the call, she'll put it down right away.
AAARGGH. ASS YOU Hunneh! You're in my way of writing a post here!!! HAHAHAHA!
I swear she's the most annoying, most beautiful, most dumb, most wise, most sporty, most kooky, most caring,
most of everything adorable that makes up the most perfect girlfriend in my book ever.
Heh, and i love her many much. Many many much.

This one ah, my one. my one. my want? ah, my want. eh eh, my need also. :B
<3 Rasul&Irna 09.

HI

2009-07-20T21:19:00.003+08:00

Hello. Ive been in absence from blogger since idontknowhowlong now. And now that im back, im wondering what's wrong with blogger's new posts writing pad template. Seriously. Mine's fucked up pretty bad. Im wondering how's yours?

Anyway, as usual lots of things have been happening. My normal routine just simply ruled me out from hogging the com these days.. or should i say months. But i dont seem to mind at all. Whatever activities that i have in replacement is far better then sitting infront of a monitor that wont speak to me, not in a million years (i hope!), and use my time on it even if i totally have nowhere else to surf on. Im sure this somewhat happens to you too right people. Being online, unsure where to go, just keep clicking, linking you guys from one site to the next without having any idea what in the net youre looking for.. and then low and behold, its already 5am. Yep, ive been there. And for me now, nothing beats maximising your full day with what you like to do most, speding time with loved ones, rest, or enjoying your final bits of youth days - the way i wanted it to be. Well of cause, no one's stopping you if you find your cpu's your new best friend.

So yeah, what can i say, same ol same ol. Cept' Irna's prolly getting hotter now that her hair has grown to her chest. HAHA! and ERIS is prolly getting sexier now that Mus is in the line up. HOHO!

Oh yeah, i dont know whats making me write this down but i feel like i want to so bad. im not gonna say something cliche about the future and all, but really, i really hope to have HunnyBunny safe with me for as long as we can. I mean, i love that lady so much now im telling you. It can be chaotic, but i tell myself time and time again about the fun and love we shared for the past year and coming 3months - its endless. Sure the whole world knows lovebirds quarrel once in a while, but us, we came sour but ended up laughing and cherishing each other's presence in a snap. I love her. Dammit. Hahaha. However, i do know amidst all these bed of roses lies trouble and the mayhem that are uncalled for. I wish to stress this to all that's reading - I KNOW my external enemies and the dangers that come infiltrate my relationship here and there, and i will, to the best of my ability, primarily keep Irna safe and subsequently uphold my relationship from where it stands. Its just how much i love my irna dayana. :] .

Speaking of that lady, im waiting for her to return home now. Poor her probably running up and down the bar now. I'll hear you soon and i'll see you tomorrow k hunny? ;P

Heh. Oi, the rest of you werent supposed to hear that. Haha.

okay, im jamming weds and thurs and i cant wait. Mus in the line up now and the connections couldnt have been better. A show this saturday and another on 1st august. New song just done and another on the way. What more can i say? Haha. Just be sure to check us out yeah. Dont forget to check out Cherish I Cyanide too. Awesome experimental-ish post-hxc band.

I dont know how to end this. So i'll just leave it like that.

Take care friends. Till next time.

2009-07-07T23:19:00.006+08:00

Hi.

Too much happenings lately.

First things first.. To the guy that tried to stub Irna out, you damn freaking bull bodoh. People give you your chance to prove your point but you werent there. And its not like i brought a machete with me or something. I know you were wrong from the start cause i know what happened. I was basically there because you already hurled abusive words against Irna, what else if you were to meet her, you would throw your backhand? Of cause for that sake i have to be there. Knowing the facts, i can roughly guess what kind of a man you are and where youre going with your actions. And its not just coming from me but a few others that predicted the same as well. Fucking bull man. You dont deserve to even know Irna. You have no freaking idea how much you once mean to her. But you blew it yourself. For what?? Ass isnt it. I wonder whats your actual reason on being friends with her in the first place. How un-genuine. There's alot that needs to be said and be answered. And i really mean alot. But bull crap someone just wouldnt want to bring this down. I cant believe this is all coming from a man of your age. Whatever it is, if you happen to be reading this, i put it to you that if youre gonna come around messing with Irna's life again, we will come back to bring you down.

2009-06-22T22:16:00.001+08:00

Sun rays come down as seen when they hit the ground,
Children spinning around till they fall down down down.
I wait for you: it's been two hours now,
You're still somewhere in town,
Your dinners getting cold.
I rest my case you are always this late,
And you know how much I hate waiting around 'round 'round,

Bitter heart, bitter heart tries to keep it all inside,
Bitter heart, bitter heart shadows will help you try to hide,
Bitter heart, my bitter heart is gettin' just a little fragile,
Bitter heart, bitter heart of mine.

And then you come and tell me the same reason as you did yesterday,
So tell me whats his name.
Doo doo da dum, doo doo da dum, doo doo doo doo doo doo da da dum dum, da da da da dum, da da da da dum, da da da da dum.

Bitter heart, bitter heart tries to keep it all inside
Bitter heart, bitter heart shadows will help you try to hide,
Bitter heart, my bitter heart is just getting a little fragile,
Bitter heart, bitter heart of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine.

2009-06-18T00:18:00.004+08:00

I swear i miss my Irna Banana.
But she's working.
And a day without her is so.. :S.
Ahaa..!
Oh well. Shall wait for her return.
But daymn, its only voice for tonight. :[
Ahh, that dont matter.
Hopefully tmr i get to piiiiiiiiiiinch her bloody cute plump-like pinky biteable kissable cheeks.
Cheeks.. Ahhhh damn. Just one of the gazillion things which i love bout baby.
And with this it makes me think of the next best thing i love bout her..
and the next thing..
and the one after that..
and damn you know, this never ends.
But its okay, never want it to end anyway.
Never.
I love you dearbaby.
come home soon.
I miss you terribly.

Sorry im like talking to myself.
Guess just one of those days, you sat stoned, thinking bout nothing cept' for the one that matters you the most. Mmhmmm.
Yeah. Alright alright i'll be back with a life update.. just someday. :D

2009-06-09T22:59:00.004+08:00

Irna Hunny asked me to do this. -_- haha!
This is my first time doing a survey onliune as such.

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT Ring?: I gotta give instead of being given. Ohh, baby.. i got something in my pocket for you.

2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?: runnin' 1year1month strong.

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?: xoxo's from hunnybunny 24hours ago.

4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?: everyday.. drop in my pocket.

5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?: 16km cycle 2days ago! my ass got worked out alright.

6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?: fuckin ez-link.

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?: mother's bee hoon goreng

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?: face. im a face man. ahaa!

9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?: Beauty is skin deep. :D!

10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?: Pasir ris.

11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED: Loyang.

12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER: singapore telecoms. gotta have mio man.

13. FAVORITE MALL STORE: i dont frequent malls. pasar malam for me anytime.

14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD: Courts. Cashier.

15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?: err. i.. own a diff kind of dice?

16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?: only to hunnybunny... once in a while. :B

17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED: some relative. more often then not, i have no idea whose wedding im attending.

18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY: no one. they'll steal my money! >:O

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND: last week.

20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT: KAY EFF SICK.

21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD: hunnybunny saying im cute. HEH! joking baby!

23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?: Chippy's British-Take-Away!

24. CAN YOU COOK?: used to.

25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?: daytona.

26. BEST KISSER: HunnyBunny!! ohh huny, where are you..?!

27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: don't remember.

28. MOST DISLIKED FOODS: PORK.

29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: i play drums without being taught. im in love without being forced.

30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: im a failure.

32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?: SubCourt Officer. 14 frickin hrs.

33. FAVORITE MOVIE?: The Pianist.

34. CAN YOU SING?: Shit, no.

35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?: Slipknot back in uhm.. i cant remember.

36. LAST KISS?: With baby before i die.

37. LAST MOVIE RENTED: i dont rent movies.

38. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT: Phone.

39. FAVORITE vacation spot: Paris!

43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?: Desk.

44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?: Irna Dayana. haha, see am laughing already. and russel peters.

45. DO YOU SMOKE?: YEAH...

46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?: i like it without. :O

47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?: my phone.

48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?: i doubt so.

49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?: I AM THE POLICE!

50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?: pancakes!!

51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?: have it almost daily.

52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?: eggs-citingly made!! -_-

53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?: i cant do that.

54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?: Hunnybunny!

55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?: hunnybunny too.. hmm.

56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED?: From a friend, who cant wait to meet me and my band.

58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?: 2. i threw 3 additional away to another room.

59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: shorts.

60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC: "stop being, stop being, selfish. selfish selfish selfish". Hehe.

61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?: voodoo jelly.

62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?: yes. i thrash azhar man. eheh.

63. CAN YOU SWIM?: barely. :X

64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?: belgian cookies and cream.

65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?: yes, i love the yeah yeah yeahs.

66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: im rasul not rasoool.

68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?: never! i want to!

69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON: autumn.

70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?: At a catamite remandee. Sorry.

71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING?: 5am freakin every mornin!

72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?: Hot Cocoa i suppose?

73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?: I AM THE COP!

75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?: Azhar.

76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?: cool?

77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?: see birds with baby! and jam with ERIS!

78. BIRTHDATE: 2 days after children's day.

79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE: a husband. a psychologist. a drummer.

85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?: on a desk top.

87. ARE YOU SMILING?: im staring.

89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW: YES, MY BABY. NOW.

90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?: i'll go wherever irna will go. even if it's narnia. hmm..

92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?: nope.

93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?: nope.

94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?: Muhammad Rasul.

95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?: Brown. I bath naked.

96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?: i wish.

97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?: Yes, KL, with hunnybunny and eris! Best trip ever.

98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?: Yes.

99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?: Nope. I have 2.

100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?: 4th floor. heh heh.

101. ARE YOU IN LOVE?: Since 3rdMay 08.

102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?: again, i wish.

103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?: My Irna, My band, My little sister.

104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?: i dont use them.

105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?: Call baby. Off this com and sleep.

2009-06-07T20:02:00.004+08:00

Yo yo hellooo.
Been awhile since i last updated.
FIrst thing's first.. Happy 1year1monthsary my icky smelly hunny bunny!

Icky smelly hunny bunny (ISHB) went for idola singapura tryouts yesterday and daymn shit,
she made me proud.. she made it thru to round 2!!
Ahh.. even mummy was excitedly shocked to hear the news.
Okeh, ISHB, i wanna be there for your whole journey in idola.
Many good lucks from me! Lovelovelovelovelovelovelove.
You're my number 1 okeh! And im.. her biggest fan. Hehe.

Im freaking lethargic these past few days.
I've been up 5 days straight with minimal sleep.
4 hours of power naps to be exact.
Worked on Wednesday, after which, that night i slept for 3 hours.
Worked on Thursday, and that night i slept for an hour.
Worked on Friday. After work went home first before going to the idola queue.
Up all night in dhoby ghaut. Accompany ISHB all morning.
When she's done in the afternoons, we head back to have a quickie rest.
After which, arnd 8, left home again to go night cycling with ISHB and her colleagues.
Spend whole saturday night and sunday morning cycling around the south eastern
shores of singapore.
Reached home at 9am, all shagged, oily, ass-cramped, sticky, and my eyelids were loyally obeying to gravity.

Most tiring week ever. Haha.
But no regrets, it was awefully fun.

The cycling was awesome. Ive always wanted to cycle for long distances in sleeping hours.
We went from east coast to changi beach, to simpang bedok and back again to east coast.
The bike we rented looks pretty impressive at first, but then after the whole trip, i wish the bikes had suspension and fucking better seats. Fucking Better Seats Please! My ass hurts like fuck. (no, i never tried ass-fucked before)
Im happy and proud that even ISHB made it thru. I suppose other girls would whine about how tired or sleepy or sticky they are halfway through the trip. But baby wasnt being patty at all. She rode the bike like everyone else and not like a paranoid whimpy materialistic chick. Awesome ah lovergirl. Heh. Lovelovelovelovelovelove.
Im gonna go sungei road someday. Get myself a good 2nd-hand bike (hey there's GT there and all okay) and maybe cycle across the country.

I suppose that's all for now.
There are lots of things that happened and because of this, i dont have the time to blog no more.
Will try to update again real soon.

Take care you. Till next time.

PS: hunny, i miss you. come home sooooon. :[ nyeh.

2009-05-18T23:52:00.003+08:00

Let our love make the world go round.

xoxo.

There's no telling how much im in love with this woman.
The one darling that i can ever end up with.
She gets more gorgeous by the day and i just cant figure why or how come.

She's always there when i needed her.
Be it by voice, by mind, by soul, or by heart,
Yes, we may fail each other at times,
but you'll always be back to hold my hand.

I can never see myself with anyone other then you.
I wish to take you with me, forever.
We've been through so much,
and there's alot of other roads which i want to walk, only with you.

This is my life.
It wouldnt be as beautiful, if it wasnt for you.
You mean everything to me Irna.
And i promise i'll love you all my life.

2009-05-18T22:38:00.007+08:00

POP-OH!

Yoooo to one and all!
Alas, im back again.
Post yg kat bawah tu bukan kite ye. Org sesat maner entah yg post.. HAH! ok kidding hunny. :B
AND SO..! Yes yes, i've been busy as always but not too worry. AKU DAH P-O-P oh!!
Ahhhh! Yes, for those who didnt know, im sorry for not telling that, i, Rasoool, has been enlisted to the Police National Service early December last year. Reason for not telling is that i just dont want people to come hunting me down, wanting to see me cause im.. uhm, bald. HAHA! No, on a serious note, it is for security reasons. And im not talking about the bald part. I mean, hey, im stucked in cck of all places 5 days a week you know. Just anything could have happened without me knowing in 5 days. But thank god, residential training is over. And i seem to be very much well and alive.

Heh, if im spiderman, that small man in orange would be the boss from the Daily Bugle. And on the right, that'll be my Mary Jane Watson. :b

5 months of training inside wasnt as smooth either. Brawls inside out.
Conspiracies ignited too.
Im proud to say i am the assistant squad commander of Squad 61 for the first 3 months of BMT.
After which my actual number 1 squad cmndr lost the trust of many and i jolly well took over.
Its nice to know that people actually want you to lead.
Plus, i could have won the Best Trainee award!!! But i didnt.
I lost it to that same number 1 squad cmndr cause he's the one guy my officer-in-charge only knows (when he should know EVERYONE). Total bullcrap man.
On the night of POP, i approached my physical instructor (someone who spends most time with the squad) to give a farewell handshake. I looked at him, gripped his hand, and i say my thanks. He did the same and in a volume of which only i could hear at that moment, he said, "its okay Rasul.. in my eyes, you're still my best trainee." And whoaaaaaaaaaaaaargh, you have no idea how much that means to me. I mean, ive been through shits for 5 months man. And im one of those who really give their all in their chase for the award. And knowing that i lost it to someone which isnt of a fair deal AT ALL, it sucks big time man. All that extensive training, tip top discipline (hey i didnt smoke in camp for 5months kay), leadership enforcements, all for nothing. Its sad. My instructor can only remind me that this is the real life where nothing is fair and everyone cheats to win.
Im not boasting or anything here alright. Im not trying to act big, acting like as if im good in everything, no. Im not, i too had quarrels with people and had things which i cant do physically. I mean this really happened and i am devastated that it has come to this, where i cant do much about it in the end.

Personal achivements aside, its alright.
Im happy enough to gain lots of new friends from different walks of life.
The bitchy lembut, the hygenic mr.particular, the pengotor, the tk senonoh, matrep, unsound mind, semangat nk mampos,
si beh on, mr.everything-by-the-book, mat rempit, hxc gamer, irritatingly lovable teeth man, conmen, EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.
Seriously, i learn alot.
Its a valuable experience which i wont trade it for anything to give it away but i hope i wont ever have to go through again.

yes i climbed someone's back

Now, to serve for the remaining year and a half.
Im posted somewhere now.
Guess i wont tell as what and where just yet.
Wish me well and i wont go find and arrest you. PFFT LAME. :S HAH!

Enough of NS guys.
I miss my Irna. Wonder where is she.. hmm.
(search: Irna)

Mother is beautiful.

PS: thank you hunny for the POP pix! swear i love you. xoxo. :)

2009-05-17T03:49:00.001+08:00

BOO!
hello irna here.
hahahahahahahahahahaha!!
dey. salah account. agahahaha!!

2009-05-03T12:37:00.002+08:00

Happy One Year Anniversary Irna Dayana!

I Love You!

now for forever.

xoxo.

More updates to come!

2009-04-10T01:12:00.004+08:00

Rasoool,
what are you looking at..

asklhfashdfasdhflkdshfdsf
I miss you so much Irna!
There's no telling what this girl could do.
She never fails to blow me away.
She's always the one to cheer me up,
to put a smile back on my day.
She's the only one who could provide me the most warmest and cosiest of hugs.
She has those lovely hands, the only pair that mine cld ever fall on to.
Her soft, delicate lips, is what makes me feel alive whenever it touches mine.
I am alive when you're around.
I am alive because of you.

So what am i looking at you asked?
Oh, im looking at the most beautiful relationship ever.
Happy 11th months sweet caramel.
I love you.

Ps: I cant wait for the road trip with hunny and eris-y! Long, shiok weekend, here i come!

Taking care people.

2009-03-28T02:21:00.003+08:00

Heyhey.
Cant wait for the month of April.
Why? Fucking music frenzy.
It came at the right time.
Im in total need for this.
Its about time, Rasoool be Rasoool and Rasoool to let loose and let his hair down. (err..hair?)

:D ! HAH! (ketawe lah!)

These are the posters for EveryRageISeek's upcoming shows.. placed not in order of dates, however in order of my personal preference, being the top poster the most anticipated and the lowest one the least anticipated.

Starting from..

YESSS! KL again!! This time with 2 other great SG bands. 3 bands on the road together. Thats already 15 boys in hand. What about our friends? Haha.. 20++ kids?! This shall surely be one road trip that i will never forget.. what's more? Hunny might be tagging! How sweet. She wants to take on that backpack and be at places with her drummer boy. Heh. I love you baby.
Most potentially awesome show!

Number Two..

What can i say.. All of our crazy metal mafockas put together in one bill in a hot shit crammed up venue. Nothing beats this local holocaust!

Next up..

2 words - Awesome Lineup.
5 bands all coming from the different corners of heavy music. Grind, noise, cores.. chaos.

Lastly..

Next week. ERIS, last band. Settle. Come down!

Random update, new song - "The Annexation" -finishing soon.
Its gonna stick to your heads. Fo Sho.

K bye.

2009-03-15T03:48:00.000+08:00

Hi.
So many things going on.
I dont know where to start.
Really.

That is all.

2009-03-08T01:12:00.000+08:00

.smiles.

2009-03-01T18:51:00.006+08:00

To my beloved Irna Dayana..
Happy 10 monthsary hunny.
I love you.. no matter what.

ps: call me now! ;)

2009-02-22T03:21:00.000+08:00

Btw, happy belated vday Irna.
I Love You.
Get well soon hunny, xoxo.

2009-02-22T02:38:00.007+08:00

Yes.
Smell that animosity i brew?
Ah, its unintentional you know.
But hey, who the heck listens?
Hmm.. i wonder.
Oh well,
these piercing incisions,
they dont matter no more.
At least i told myself not to.
Because its only temporary.
At least i hope so.
Would i really want to be immune to pain?
At least i try to crawl when i cant walk.
At least?
At ease?
At the very least?

Ahh, I cant find my legs.

Dont we all just hate it when all the problems in this world, in this life and in our personal life,
suddenly came rushing in, all at one go, just when we thought of having a piece of mind of our own?
Yeah, it may not be anything heavy, but damn, when it grabs you, it sure does nail you if you know what i mean.
Well okay, maybe personally i am abit too sensitive but.. aiya, i dont know la. I tend to think too much i guess.
And when im in that dreaming state, i sure have no clue where my mind could get me. Its for better and for the worse, according to my current mood i guess.
But in reality, anything can happen and i believe that fate is in your own hands to mould it and pave it.
Example, from the hearts of your peers, i can be a bitch or a hero. Its up to me to shift to who i want to be.
However sometimes, i need external clause to save me. Like.. time. Patience. Tolerence. And so many others.
I thought ive proven with the time ive willingly spared but i guess it wasnt enough.
The only way to carry on? Spare more time i suppose. Be patient till i get myslef redeemed. And tolerate the current process while it lasts.

Rest assured, no one wants to be a bad person.

Okay, just another sleepless night when you think of life deeply rooted to the core of your brain.

Take care people.

2009-02-22T02:28:00.004+08:00

Better Living Through Catastrophe

Fuck every thing
You ever told me
You were the one, I trusted in
I was so blind
Cut out my own eyes for fear the sight
These broken pieces of a life I tried to hide
I tried to hide
In this is all I find..
(all I find)
I'm... Gone....Forsaken.
(I'm... Gone....Forsaken.)
Inside a sullen Tomb
(Sullen Tomb)
Retrace My life
(retrace my life)
And slowly you will understand
(this reckoning)
This reckoning is regaining power
(Power)
Living
Through Catastrophe
A horrid lapse of senses
We feed
A mouth that should not eat
We've gone too far Replenished on the weak
I can't decide if we have leaped
Or if we are falling you'll choke on your Lies
Its time to regain my pride
Rest assured I make a place
Cleansed free of your torment
Turn away again this pain
Shall remain forgotten
I wish I wish that some day you will be the
One the one to be withered and dying alone
I wish that some day you will be the one.

2009-01-31T03:06:00.003+08:00

Come down and see my shitty band play.

2009-01-31T03:00:00.004+08:00

Rasul has been very confused.
Oh yes?
or,
Oh no?

See.. I dont even know the answer to that.

And this applies to everything.

2009-01-24T01:52:00.006+08:00

What are you thinking?

Sometimes, i just dont know where to turn anymore.
I dont know what are the steps that i should take.
What are the moves that i should make.
But for each time i do, it's for sure im not doing it with covered eyes.

Shots, far too many times.
This skin.. is wearing thin.
Well i've been taking it in, all this time, all this while.
And making, seeing one smile has always taken pain away.
But this skin.. is wearing thin.

Seriously, i dont know what my values are right now.
I dont even know how much im worth.
Whether am i a ragged, abandoned, dumpshit,
or am i prestiged, commendable, and only for the merit.
I dont know. But i chose to take myself as the former.

I keep passing on words of uplift, and elation to one self.
But i soon realise i keep falling back myself.
And im never getting an inch higher.

All i want, all i ever wished for,
is to educate, care, and send much endearment to the immaculate one.
And each time whenever time brings aggravation, its very much uncalled for.
Is this norm?
I turn to who.
Is this norm? I asked.
Have i become sickened of this?

Im not thinking of parched land amidst the redest of all skies,
withered from scarcity, where none lived only but remains, that are kept unswept.
I think of fields that smelt of summer with the most vivid greenery spread under
a considerable, beautiful faunas that float amongst it.

Here, i ask again, what are you thinking?
I think i know. And i think it hasnt changed..

2009-01-11T17:48:00.001+08:00

I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND FOREVER.
XOXO.

TC.

2009-01-10T01:16:00.002+08:00

Irnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

2009-01-10T00:56:00.010+08:00

Alas! Look over to your right.
Looks like i have only one friend left.
Pathetic as it may be.
But im not stopping any of you to call your set of list as "friends".

Anyway (on a different note), it seems to me like im not the only one..
Out from nowhere, i too develop that angst which i cant recall where the fuck i gathered them from.
Its all too sudden, and i dont know what to do.
Im not even sure what this is..
I just feel like blasting/spitting to someone's face.
Im. Not. Sure. Why.
Am i lacking something here?
Or maybe is something changing?
Or are there demands which are not met?
Or am i too tired till my fuse is out?
Or maybe, something, someone, is just waiting to get my right fist to their face..

I dont know.

2009 got me started out confused, troubled and agitated.

I need my band boys.
I need my loving girlfriend more.

And as for the rest of you, fuck off, please.
Happy fucking new year.

2008-12-25T14:38:00.007+08:00

Happy 19th Birthday to my greatest love, Irna Dayana.

May god bless you hunny with great health and wealth.

I will love you with all my heart for the rest of my life,

and it can only get greater through each passing day.

Im sorry for the pasts that were ever sour.

But im making this clear,

that im cherishing every bit of you now.. and forever.

In god's will, marry you i will.

And i'll battle through anything that comes in my way just to get to you.

Cause you are my one.

You are my special.

You are so beautiful.

And you definately mean everything to me.

And this.. i promise you,

that i will love you with all my heart for the rest of my life.

Happy 19th Birthday b.

manymanymanykisses from your silly bloody moronic idoit boyfriend,

Rasoool.

ps: i still owe you presents, haha, and yes bby, we'll ride swans pretty soon yeah. :]

2008-12-25T14:01:00.003+08:00

We all can't always get what we want.
Something that we have to take it to our stride each day.
We all fret when things dont go our way.
But do we receive it like we should if things actually does go how we wanted it to be?
We are humans.
And this is life.
As much as we all would like to think that being an animal would be better or
thought that life just generally suck, well no, we all gotta live with it.
Live this life of being a human no matter how miserable we all seem to see.
I believe this life, as humans, are well balanced.
The rules are there, and the board is here for us to play it.
There is no short cut in life. And cheating, has its consequences.
However, play it diligently and patiently, and you would reach the very end.. and win it once and for all.

Life is a game?
Life is a bitch?
Life is fair?
Life is wonderful?

I leave you to decide how you look at it.
I think that life is wonderful.
The majority of you, would like to pick number two.
Why is it always the bad?
The term "think positive" is cliche i know.
But it really is strong and true and should you live by it day to day, trust me,
you'll reach number four in no time.

Merry Christmas.
I'll see you all real soon.

Rasoool.

2008-12-08T23:53:00.002+08:00

im hating this.

what? why? how? who?
i dont know.
what the fuck is this.
will somebody please stand in my way just so i have some fucking meat to punch at?

cheebye.

this is goodbye.

2008-12-08T13:22:00.002+08:00

i am. so.. confused.
i dont know what to do.
bless me. bless me. bless me. please.

i feel sorry for my poor self.

better days ahead!
haiyak.

i miss you irna.
i miss you ERIS.
i miss you family.

muscles here i come.

2008-12-04T17:00:00.009+08:00

Im sorry.
Ive been plain lazy to update my shits.
But oh well, now that i have some time for myself, i shall do a brief one.
Hahahaha, see, still lazy.

Just got back from KL last weekend with band.
Was quite an awesome getaway i would say.
Out, away, with 4 other baboons. Stuck together in a room.
Getting drunk and wasted. - hahah okay i lied.
But it sure was awesome.
The show we had was awesome too.
The bands were great, and we made lotsa new friends.
Okay im updating like a 12 year old but fuck it okay. Told you its gonna be a brief one.
Hahaha.
I came to realise just a few mins ago that ERIS, is currently on fire.
Im not saying this in an ego kinda way, but rather in a "damn son" kinda reaction.
I mean, the shows man, the damn shows. 27th nov, 6th dec, 14th dec, 27th dec, 28th dec, 14th Feb.
Its crazy man. I never thought we would reach such situations.
But im all out to each and every one of them. Gaha.
Only thing we need now.. are MORE SONGS. Hahahaha.

Enough with the band crap.
Yesterday, was as awesome as hanging out with 4 boys for 4 days combined.
But only this time, it was like with a girl for 10 hours.
Okay, stop thinking nasty.
What i meant was, I had my 7monthsary with hunny Irna Banana yesterday.
It was awesome. I wish it can be repeated. Either that or, wish it never ended.
We went Kid's Kampong and chase fishes! Hahaha.
That's something i think only 0.5 out of 1 000 000 couples would do on such celebrations. With that, i owe hunny a kiss.
And oh, I love feeding ducks now. Seriously.
And i didnt know hunny was a pro fish-er. Hahaha. For real.
After which, we sat by the shores at the beach.
(my idea! so now i think someone owes me a kiss heh :] )
It was so breezy and beautiful with winds caressing our faces and watching me love sitting infront of me
with her hair being blown to the back, my evening cant get any perfect then that.
Love was wearing simple but it somehow read so gorgeously from my eyes.
I swear.
It was so beautiful. One of the nights i'll remember for a long time.
I love you Irna Dayana.
Happy 7 months dearest.

After this post, you can bet i wont be updating any time soon.
I'll be busy. Ohhhh yeaah, VERY busy.
I hate it.
Cause i'll miss you people.
Argh. Oh well.

Gonna go now.
I miss hunny Irna, im gonna appear at her workplace.
So.. good bye!
And dont forget to come for ERIS's shows!

2008-11-16T17:08:00.003+08:00

Hello hello again to one and all!
I know it has been a long while since i last posted something,
but i promise i've always wanted to.. just that, i couldn't find the time. Heh.

In any case, im here to write something now.
(Yes cause im damn bored at home)
Its a sunday, and i have no freaking plans.
But its all good, because i've been out of home for days and getting back only at 12am (atleast)
on a daily basis.
And that's pretty darn bad in my book. But hey, its not like as if i dont do chores at home in the afternoon or something.

Right.
So anyway, hunny is out for work today.
I've been spending loads and loads of wonderful time with her.
And one day, when she's not here with me (like today),
i missed her a wholllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllle lot.
Irna, you're being missed by me right here right now.
You're being missed by me, a min ago, an hour ago, definately a min later, obviously an hour later, and undoubtly, everytime everyday alright.

Oh, and i turned 19 last month.
It was nothing much. But hunny bought me this..

0_0 !!!
yes i know!
O_O !!!

SWEET!!

I cant thank her enough. It sounds completely awesome and cant wait to use them on shows!
Hunny i want your signatures on them!
I. Dont. Care!

Talking about shows,
ERIS got their schedule for the year-end series of shows..
It's very much special to them (and me) this year because..
1. Ammar's (new bassist) debut live appearence with band!
2. First overseas show!
3. The band's 3rd anniversary!

Below are some posters of the shows we're about to play in..

Hope to see you there!

There's more to post about, i swear, but it got soo clogged up till i have no idea where to start.
But i shall, i hope.
Oh well, atleast i want to.
Will see you all soon.

and irna, i love you. hear/see your bf soon okay. :]

2008-11-06T02:33:00.003+08:00

I miss soo badly cannnnnnnnnnn?!
Yes, right now. No, aint random.

2008-11-06T01:12:00.004+08:00

I'll climb up, way up high even if im only seeing a strand.
I'll swing pass, even if its too fast, just to be greeted by your scent.
And i'll make my way, through heaps of waste, just to catch a glimpse..
Of the ever-wonderful, the gorgeous and beautiful, my shiminy shim shim.
When rainbows rust, i hope to rebuild this trust, and clear the surrounding rubbles.
When im fulfilling this task, i want and i must, prevent the slightest crumble.
But when a drop falls down, hope none will frown, for the platform will sink within.
Sometimes its a little too late, the shining soon fades, and the turmoil shall then begin.
I shook my head, for the mess it has been made, something we didnt asked for, never.
Failure of my own, the despair of her, surfacing every desired favour.
Ha hmm, ha hmm, ha hmm, ha hee, la dee, la dee, la dee..
Im sorry, im sorry, im sorry, im sorry, im sorry, truly-am-sorry.
Beat me, punch me, punish me, i deserve it all it seems.
I close my eyes, i pray say lines, and wish sourness is only a dream.
And wish to be awaken, with shimmy by my side, facing each other on soft warm beds,
and then i'll make her close her eyes, can i start to kiss your forehead?
I want to tell her she'll be alright, while stroking down her hair.
I'll look at her straight in the eye, let her know i'll always care.
For this very moment, i yearned, i longed, whilst i am trapped in blue.
Sorry if i let you down, but still.. I Love You.

Rasul is sorry :[
Rasul needs you hunny!

ps: Rasul needs to defrag his brain bigggggg time.

2008-10-31T00:11:00.003+08:00

I miss this girl ah!

Err.. girl, can i love you forever?

:DDDDDDDDDDD

2008-10-30T21:51:00.002+08:00

The news below is taken from the Every Rage I Seek's myspace blog..

"Hi guys.

As some of you might have seemed to notice (or speculate) about a recent change in our line up, this entree is hereby posted to confirm it all.

There is nothing wrong under the "Band Members" listing on our myspace. We regret to inform everyone that long-time buddy and bassist, Shazni, is no longer part of Every Rage I Seek. The band is greatly thankful for his massive contributions and onward commitments for the past 3 years. Shazni helped to shape the band in many ways, mainly being the band's ultimate turning point musically, bringing the band's sound heavier then it's older influences. Shazni also contributed heavily on the ERIS songs that you hear, both old and new.. from the very first few originals - Light of Your Saviour, Sweet Revenge, all the way to the newer ones like Iconoclast.
The band would like to thank Shazni for all that he has done towards ERIS and would like to wish him the very best for his future endeavours.

Having that said, the band has been constantly on the prowl for someone to fill in the bassist's shoes. Welcoming Every Rage I Seek's new bassist, Ammar, is also a long-time buddy of the band.

We cant wait to start work again.. Bring on the year-end shows!
See you all real soon!

Rasul,
Every Rage I Seek. "

I for one, will surely miss that boy's antics. Im pretty sure the rest of the boys would too. To my brutal dude whom ive known for 3 years, i regard you as a valuable friend, brother and bandmate man. At times we all go our own way but at the end of the day we know its still ok.
Call me sentimental, i dont care if youre not, but hey, i seriously treasure all those fun and shitty moments that we go thru man. The trip to catch MYHC Fest, Bleeding Through, fun times man. Jammings, your awkward but hillarious acts in and out of the studio. Your sexcapades stories which you share. Damn, i'll miss it all. I hope you wld still come down and hang around with ERIS once in awhile yeah. I really hope you would. Even for the KL show.. to come and think of it, ive never been to that land without you man. Haha so yeah.. take care alright. I'll see you soon shaz.

2008-10-19T02:45:00.002+08:00

Nothing much to say.
Work work work.
Spend spend spend.
Love love love.
Jam jam jam.

Yep, i got all that i need right here.

Here's for a better week ahead for me and for everyone!

PS: I miss Irna Banana ku. Like THIS much. Ok no, ifinity times bigger then that actually. heh.

2008-10-12T02:42:00.001+08:00

AKU SAYANG IRNA BUAT SELAMA-LAMANYA!!

hehe. i cant help myself.
baby, i miss you.

2008-10-12T01:30:00.002+08:00

"Faith Or Forgiveness"

The show last night was fucken awesome.
Yes, there were hiccups here and there,
but the sound was fucken loved.
I love the venue too. Cool-almost torned down-place.
Simply awesome. If only the crowd was moving their ass up and around to the noise.

Thank you Irna for the lovelylovely day and for being the only support i need.
Heh. Nyam.
I love you I love you.

And ERIS, damnit, i kept saying this, but i love you guys man.
I cant wait for the Malaysian dates.
I cant wait to start on more new songs.
Damn, i just cant wait for the next time we jam man.
Onward, fucking onward.
The music video above is for you boys.
Likewise, 3 years, and counting, a long time for any endeavors.
Here's the lyrics..

Faith or Forgiveness
Three years, and counting, a long time for any endeavors.
Just get us away from here.

I have something you should know, that this will never end,
and our legs will forever hold these scars.
There's something you should know, there's more to this story,
we'll never fade, and our arms will forever have these scars.

Set a course, through sand and storm.
Never fearful, and always hopeful.

I have something you should know, that this will never end,
and our legs will forever hold these scars.
There's something you should know, there's more to this story,
we'll never fade, and our arms will forever have these scars.

We'd pray to find our place.
Take flight to eastern skies,
and when the winds change,
we'll be blown back to here.

Bitter and betrayed,
broken but never disbanded, we gave it our all.
I was jaded then, and maybe I still am, but will push on.

Missing but mended, some hearts never break.
The things inside us all, found only to be stronger than before.

(I have something you should know)
Ill see you when the sun sets...

2008-10-10T01:32:00.002+08:00

Every Rage I Seek will be playing at Mosh Party at the Malay Village today at 7pm
with Radiant Archery, Dante's Theory and many others.

Every Rage I Seek has done a new track with the same name and will be playing
a whole line of new tracks for their upcoming shows.

Upcoming shows includes two Malaysian dates, one of which in KL,
another in Ipoh with a touring Aussie metalcore band,
and lastly the annual Slaughterhouse Massacre to be held at Scape, youth park.

Check out new tracks entitled "Beauty is skin deep", "Timeless" as well as "Every Rage I Seek".
See you there.

2008-10-10T00:22:00.004+08:00

I owe many people an apology.
For those who know me, i dont run.
Im not shutting down my blog, im not ignoring sentences,
i am not going to run.

Watch me, hear me, and for some, forgive me if any of you could..

I am sorry.

I apologise to you now, Irna, for letting out so much damage and
jeapordising everything that you and i built.
For putting you in deep angst, and for me being defiant.
I wouldn't want to apologise only behind closed doors, so im placing it here.
Put this in mind people, that Im apologising because im wrong,
and not because im trying to redeem myself.
But if I could, then im most thankful. I am ever thankful.
Im defending myself no more. Cause the bottom line is clear.
And im still here, placing my white flag, and embracing it.
It takes a man to be doing sins,
but i suppose it takes a real man to admit it and sincerely say he's sorry.
People of today would find it hard to buy that 5 letter word,
but im putting my word right here, that i'll strive so hard till
hopefully, one fine day, you would take it, keep it
and eventually, I won't even have the need to say it no more. Ever again.
To everyone, im not typing this blindly.
I know my consquences for putting these words and putting my trust and faith on the line.
All of you here read it. And im here to abide by it.
At the end of the day, its up to you individuals to bypass it.
To you people who would take these words as bullshit,
then hey, go ahead. I understand. Despise me.
My friends, I am wrong. So back me up no more.
Neglect me not, however guide me instead to fulfill my words.

Above all, Im wronged. I am truly sorry.

After all that has been said,
should anyone still would like to hear me say personally,
let me know. Tagboard's right there.
And should anyone wants to vent their grudges against me,
I'll be at Wheelock 5 days a week.
My band is playing tomorrow at the Malay Village, you can find me there too.

After this post, i'll be thankful if anyone would still see Rasul the same way as before.
But even if you dont, it'll still be ok, as long as it has served justice to any of you.
If you realise, this post is meant not to just one, nor two people.
Its meant for everyone else too, those who helped, those who were disgusted,
basically those who were there during the times of mayhem.

I dont think you would all hear me bring this up anymore.
Not because i'm being a coward.
But because i dont want to inflict any harm to the heart for you, for them and for me.

As of right now, im putting my chin and up and walk.
Again, i am so sorry.
Come what may.

I would like to end with this..
"Learn to love and love to learn"
it makes perfect sense to me.

Thank you and have a lovely day.

Rasul.
(No more rasoool).

2008-10-07T05:10:00.003+08:00

Hi.
I dont know what has to become of me right now.
I turned to be the monster which i swore i hate.
Guilt, runs in my veins, and im not ignoring that. Im not anymore.
NO, im not letting guilt consume me. It pays.
Proves and evidence, are time sensitive. It might bloom or it might get lost.
Proves and guilts, coincide, to redeem, to purify and to cleanse.
In turbulence times like these, we seek solace. But fuck, im never forgiving myself.
Cause I shant, i cant, but above all, i just.. wont.

Glad i am its happening now.. Rather then when we are of age.
Cause if we were, then i might just be as good as dead.
But yes of cause, how i wish the world is trouble-free in the first place. How wld that be.

Learn i will, pick things up i shall, preaching whatever is taught and desired.

In time. In time.
Heed.

I am truly sorry Irna.
I love you,
and i'll show you right from me from here on out.
I love you,
and for that i'll change for good and really be the guy you deserved.
I love you,
and i'll stretch out my last till the very end.

Till the very end,
I love you.

and Im sorry to have caused so much.

@---- here.

2008-10-04T04:30:00.002+08:00

i will always be the faulter.
no matter what i do.
no matter where i go.
no matter how it happened.

and each time i am,
i hope someone will always be there smiling happy..

Hi, im Rasul,
and im your fault today.
(that's your que to smirk)

___________________________________________________________________

Ohh how i fucking despise this.
Countless amount of effort on constructing something big
but it takes a blink of an eye to send it all crumbling down again.
The ire works of mother nature.
BUT only oneself to blame.

Im sorry.

A happy 19th Birthday to me.
And an even happier 5th month anniversary to us.

I love you always Irna.

2008-10-04T04:21:00.001+08:00

FUCK YOU LIFE!
FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-04T04:00:00.003+08:00

FUCKING IMMATURE BITCHES!
TRYING TO RUIN MY FUCKING LIFE!
ALL IS WELL AND SWEET, AND YOU GUYS WANT TO BURN IT DOWN?
YOU WANNA SEE IT BEING BURN DOWN?!
WELL ITS FUCKING LOST NOW, ALRIGHT. AND I HOPE EVERYONE'S GODDAMN HAPPY ABOUT IT.
SUPRISED IM NOT IF IM LOSING EVERYTHING, GUESS I SOMEWHAT DESERVE IT.
BUT YOU KIDDY PUSSY ARSEHOLES ARE THE FUCKING SOURCE OF IT ALL!
MOVE. FUCKING. ON!!!
MOVE. FUCKING. OVER!!!
MOVE. FUCKING. OUT!!!
OF MY WAS BEAUTIFUL LIFE.
OUT, FOR FUCKING FOREVER!

KIDDY BASTARDS.
YOU CUNTS GUARANTEED YOURSELFS A 19 YR OLD MIDDLE FINGER/FIST VERY SOON.
VERY SOON.
MARK. MY. WORDS.
FUCKERS.

2008-10-03T01:23:00.003+08:00

Join me as i celebrate my last year of my life with a "teen" hanging at the back of my age.
Ohh this is so sad.
Haha.

In any case, Selamat Hari Raya people.

PS: Irna, I love you too. Alot.
:]

2008-09-30T01:58:00.002+08:00

UP-FUCKIN-DATE.

Okay, first thing's first, i miss ALOT of people.
I miss my girl, i miss my friends, i miss my bands, i miss my friend's friends, i miss my colleagues, i miss everyone. Everyone. Seeee-fuckin-rious yo.

So. Raya in a day's time.
This year, just like last year, semangat level is running low man in the family.
Oh fuckin why man. This isnt right at all. My family is not even old enough to be tired of Raya..
Anyway, lil sis finally reached home frm boarding sch, and now we're a happy 6 member family again. (well almost - bout tha happy part). heh.
I feel bad this year.. I didnt help much around the house at all. Its either im busy working or im just missing from home and out somewhere.. This is shit. I feel shit.
Now the house is all clean and ready and all i did was painted a frickin door and sarung ONE cadar and THATS FUCKIN ALL. Like dayyymmnnn isnt it..

Oh yes, speaking of work.
Im long gone from working at DAISO. Im done with that Jap company.
Americano company now. Im currently working for Boredom.. woops, I mean Borders.
I enjoy working there. And it's getting even more awesome after each passing week..
The kids there are awesome. Outgoing and shit like that.
Besides, you'll never get bored when your work environment is surrounded with boobs..
woops, I mean Books.
So yeah, i learn new shits everyday by stealing partial working time getting busy with all these books and shit.
Currently, im reading the Koran, in modern contemporary English. Its cool stuff man. You guys should check it out. I also wanna read The Alchemist by Paul Coelho, Midnights Children by Salman Rushdie and many more sia. Argh.

Sidetrack, my lovely boys from sec school..
We're meeting up even more often these days to have bowling matches..
And damnnnnn you guys are all good this time. HAHAHA.
Its so fun now, last time only a few would be competitively good (im one of the lousy ones), but now.. CBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB, gayrek shit sia, satu2 main mcm pro-gol.
URGH, I WANT MY TITLE BACK! I SHALL WIN THAT END-OF-YEAR BOWLING CHAMPIONSHIP!
You guys can kiss the title gooood bye!
Oh and kudos to Dinie who won the pre-raya challenge.
Im gonna win the post-raya challenge dammit. im gonna. im gonna!

ERIS!
CB I WANT TO JAM LAAA FUCK.
i want to play the new one. the newest latest one!
breakdown, melodic riffings.. woo, steam.
Im gonna add more additions to my drum barangs.. insyallah.
There are soo many things i want to upgrade.
End of year is here, 3 shows confirmed, 2 shows in Msia, another 1 pending, and one AUSSIE TOUR in talks!
Oh fucking hell yeah. I LOVE YOU GUYS.

I love number 3. (i guess that explains the _333 in my mail)
Why?
Birthdate.
Love anni date.
ERIS birthdate (not really, more like the first gig date).
and.. my personal lucky number i guess.
Yeah yeah, random.

You guys can go eat now. Because i think you all batal already reading my fucking blog. heh.

Work tmr.

Want to blog more but suddenly fucking lazy.

SO.. Selamat Hari Raya to all.
Forgive and never forget? hahahaha.
No seriously, ampunkan my shits that i have done to any of you.
For some people if i really made you down, to some people if i totally ruined your life or anything like that, im sorry, and i hope you'll forgive me. I dont forget, (and try not to repeat) my mistakes.

Have a great OKTOber people.
I know i will. :]

2008-09-27T17:38:00.002+08:00

Gyeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Off day off day off day.

But still no off from house chores. Like daymn son.

I thought of updating a long one, but then it got delayed and delayed and now mum is shouting at me to lend her a hand to prepare dinner.

ARGH! till next time!

2008-09-24T01:09:00.002+08:00

Im feeling down..
Very down..

how i wish sigh-ing makes everything okay.

sometimes i wish i can have it all back..